All The Things I Know Right Now, If I Only Knew Back Then

All the things I know right now, if I only knew back then.
I once believed I was one of the lucky ones, but life has a way of revealing itself.
Thursday, I received my lab results from the UCLA clinic. I've been pre-diagnosed with a condition that approx 1 out of 15 women have. I made an appointment to discuss my test results first thing Monday morning. The news had me crying on and off Thursday and Friday. I'm going to ask for a referral for a second set of blood tests at UCLA hospital. I feel that life is so unfair. I don't deserve this at all, but life goes on.
Friday night I logged onto Facebook, looked at his page (can't remember the last time I saw it). He's now listed in a relationship with a female, M.W. She was attractive looking, but her Facebook pictures were suggestive. Who am I to judge? This really hurts me. After what I was going through and seeing his relationship status just escalated everything. This feeling I have feels like the first day I had to go on without him. We've been broken up for almost 13 months now. I feel like he lied to me. When we broke up, he said "I still really like you, I need to work on me right now, I don't want the boyfriend requirements." Yet, here he is with a girlfriend. Did he lie to me? I wish he would've said something like: I don't like you anymore/I don't have feelings for you anymore. But he didn't say that.
Friday night, I just couldn't take all of this anymore. I really am trying to get over him, but I just can't right now. I need more time. I called one of my best friends, Michael, last night and he was yelling at me- mainly because I was crying so hard that he couldn't understand what I was saying. I know he means well, but I just need more time. How much time will I take?? I know what's my reality, and am in no denial of it. But i want to still keep the hope alive; the hope that one day our paths will cross again.
This morning, Stephanie and I went kayaking at the UCLA aquatic center. I just wanted to lay in bed all day, but I just feel bad canceling on her. I guess part of me knew I needed to get out and place my anger and emotions all into rowing the kayak.
It's been over 1 year and I was making progress. Now with my health condition and him, it feels like day one (April 22, 2009) all over again.