Just Be Happy Again

I don't understand why I can't get over him. We haven't talked in awhile now. When I initiate conversation, he doesn't reply. I know I don't want to be with him right now because we both have some growing up to do. We need to grow into the person that we want each other to be. I know that we may not even be together and that it's just over (I'm not in denial), but what's wrong with having hope? I came to the realization that when we were together, the relationship was all about him. And that was all wrong- on my part. I feel that IF we were to get back together, it would still be about him. So I have a lot of myself that I need to work on. I want to, but I can't because we both have some growing up to do. I think because this breakup has been the worst thing in my life, (2nd worst was not making officer for my varsity drill team junior year of high school) and that's why I'm having such a hard time. When my friends say, "oh, it's just a break up blah blah." But what they don't realize is that it's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Maybe I just need to experience more worst things, I don't know.

I've lived a very priviledged life growing up. I had a great education, and ended up at an amazing college. I've been able to travel to many countries in Europe. I live in a great home (in Texas), and have amazing family and friends. While growing up, money wasn't really an issue. Thinking back at all the rediculous crap I bought, I wish I had NEVER purchased them. I don't get Christmas presents because my mom says, "It's Christmas for you everyday, you buy whatever you want." And she also says, "You spend money like it's water." Oh, mom. I wouldn't say I was spoiled, just priviledged enough. People think having money will solve their problems, but I don't think so. You'll still have problems, but money isn't one of them. With all that said, I'm just content with life. Not happy. I'm very grateful for what I have, and all the opportunities that I have been given. I think I may want to start listing all the great stuff that's happened to me, and just be grateful. I need to work on myself and just be happy again.