Realization

As I was walking to my car from my last class of the night (internship class), I came to the realization that I don't think I'm as smart as I think I am. I feel dumb at UCLA. In high school, I was ranked #22 out of 623 people in my graduating class. I was at the top of my class. Then I came to UCLA where EVERYONE was at the top of their class, so we're all smart. When you get all these smart people together, I feel like I'm at the bottom of all the smart people. I feel like I got into UCLA because of my money. I'm not on financial aid AND I'm paying out-of-state tuition. I came into UCLA as a biology major, and took a whole year worth of math and chemistry classes. It took me a year to realize biology wasn't for me anymore, and messed up my GPA. I switched to sociology and did way better, but when your GPA is so low it's hard to bring it back up. I want to get a job in PR Marketing, and my professor said my GPA is going to matter. That just totally killed me. I'm not sure what to do anymore. I do plan on getting my MBA after several years of work experience. We shall see what happens. I should probably focus on doing well in my classes and get ready for graduation in June.
I'm afraid I won't find a job after I get back to LA from my travels. I don't want to be a disappointment. My professor and advisors say that I'll be fine and to not worry about it, but they don't know that for a fact. It is nerve-wrecking.
A note on my relationship, I came to the realization that all that I'm doing is trying to get to the root of it all -the question of: Why did we break up? I feel that I could've gotten closure if he had said "I don't like you anymore, I don't see you in my future." But he didn't say that. He said "I still like you, but I gotta work on me right now. I don't want the boyfriend requirements." Is that just some bullshit? His actions towards me just contradicts what he said to me. You hear the saying, "action speaks louder than words." That's true to an extent in that your actions don't necessarily reflect your feelings. You can be supressing your feelings and be fronting. Then the next question would be: why are you fronting? Then it goes into contemporary sociology, Irving Goffman's, theory in performance. [3 years of sociology study]
It's DineLA Week and I LOVE IT!! Can't wait to try out some restaurants with some friends =)
Until my next post...